As the saying goes, behind every successful man, there's a good woman (usually asking when he’s coming home for dinner). In modern times, as more women succeed at school and university, gender equality is becoming a reality and women are able to make choices on how they work and live. Increasingly, women are leaving it to their good husbands to cook dinner.

Priorities are also shifting, with women more interested in having an enjoyable career and a loving relationship than to focus on meeting a man who can provide for them financially.
This can lead to women being the principal breadwinner. Men and women alike can feel uncomfortable with this reversal from traditional roles: Women like men who can support them, it making them feel more feminine and loved.
If you are having difficulty coming to terms with the current balance in your relationship, we suggest:

  • Think of your household as having a budget that is needed to keep it ticking over – this is not just income, but also childcare and domestic chores. This will help you to work out what each partner contributes and be less fixated on simply the provision of money;
  • Let your man be protector and provider – let him support the household in other ways than financially;
  • Think of you and your man as members of a unique team - define common goals and face the world together to achieve them.
  • Cover the bills - let his salary pay for things that he can take control over, such as buying furniture, household maintenance or holidays.
  • Get over the fantasy – celebrate the fact you have the opportunity to achieve a good wage and acknowledge that it is neither practical nor possible for your partner to earn more.
  • Money is not power - it is merely money and helps you both achieve common goals.
  • If you feel resentful over an imbalance in chores, only raise it if the problem continues. Don’t lash out because of frustration over a single incident, even if you are tired and hungry. 
  • It is not a choice between being successful or having a work-home balance. It is possible to do both. Make personal appointments as high a priority as work commitments, perhaps committing to be home on time two or three nights a week.
  • Every minute you spend over your core hours is time stolen from your loved one. Agree how many minutes, on an average week, you are willing to work over. Keep a log in case you need to borrow some one week if it is particularly busy at work.
  • If your partner tends to be aggressive when discussing your work-home balance, listen to them. They may know you better than you think they do. Try not to let the way they communicate put you off from taking action to improve both your lives.

If your partner is the main bread winner, why not try some of the following methods to deal with conflicts that arise:

  • Even though you may not have a positive view of your partner's work-home life balance, at least try to talk calmly about it. Persevere rather than slipping into resentful silence, but don’t continuously pester.
  • Get involved and be supportive - if your partner's facing a difficult conversation with a colleague or preparing for a big presentation, give them the chance to talk it through first with you.
  • If your partner does not follow the same work ethic as you doesn't mean they're wrong and you’re right. We all have different goals to achieve and follow different plans for achieving them.
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